The illusion of control

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The illusion of control 

Let us take rain as an example of the illusion of control. In Denmark, the Viking progeny obstinately insist “there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing”. A foreigner may be initially submissive to inclement weather, exclaiming “there’s no way I am going out in that” before miserably realising they are powerless and do, in fact, have to go out in that. 
Danes hold stubbornly to the illusion that the weather does not control their decisions or activities. Instead, the country collectively claims the weather is powerless when one owns 87 combinable layers of varied waterproofing and breathability. Reluctance to submit to or obey the controlling forces of powerful weather gods are very much a part of the Danish psyche. 
I can merely offer you this wisdom. If you see an umbrella floating past in a minor flood, you may need to brace yourself and persist with that outdoors barbecue (true story).
Illusion of control is not a main theme of the bone people. In fact, there is not a lot of leadership in the book if you look for the obvious. As it often is with control, the leadership lessons in this book are more subtle.
You will, however, enter the first page with a certain view of life and will leave the last page conflicted.

It is (horrifyingly) easy to make people perform as you wish

I learnt early. You learnt early. During the first year of life, a baby develops the ability to “manipulate” in order to fulfil survival needs while dependent on others. You may understand this as a form of communication rather than the definition that the word manipulation brings to mind. To manipulate is to control or shape an outcome – we colour the word with our experience of manipulation occurring in deceitful or unfair ways.

Fine-tuning our strategies

Our communication shapeshifts into more advanced forms of power, control, influence and persuasion through our experiences, interactions with others, and the discovery of subtlety. Humans are motivated to fulfil needs and wants, and will test as far as we believe we have power or control.
In the bone people, Kerewin uses isolation and estrangement as a form of control over people’s expectations of her and her words as an influence to discourage the behaviour of others. Joe swings between the influences of love in response to Simon’s needs and the power of inflicting pain in order to control his foster-sons behaviour. With our small one in the story, Simon, like most children he views himself as relatively powerless. Simon leverages what he can to fulfil the basic needs of belonging and safety, and his experiences and interactions with the adult world impact the choices he makes. 

The fight for our rights… and nefarious plans 

Manipulation and influence are skills available to all, regardless of how much or how little power and/or control an individual has. The “horrifying” aspect of manipulation grows from the roots of entitlement and privilege. When we sense an inability to fulfil our needs and wants, we may respond in what leadership theory calls destructive methods. Subterfuge and rebellion (Simon), pulling away or voicing our dissent (Kerewin), or finding ourselves in a chaos of compliance and frustration (Joe).
The bone people shows us that being in a state of survival can keep us distracted, reactive and increasingly unfulfilled, despite thinking we are in control.

We need the whole to -vive

We need to be part of a whole in order to survive as individuals; and at the same time we need to be individual in order to for the whole to thrive. It is about a constant search for balance with respect for our different heritages.
Togetherness, aligned behaviours, collective purpose – these are some of the goals of leadership. It is expected a leader will use influence, persuasion, power and control as tools to redirect beliefs, decisions and actions. Yet it is an illusion. The goal of leadership at the end of the day is to achieve a result.

“It is horrifyingly easy to make people perform as you wish, if they think they are in control.”

It is here that some will pay attention to the word “horrifyingly” while others accept the sentence as “easy”. The use of acceptable control creates obedience, compliance and consent while avoiding resistance and dissent. When control becomes excessive, resistance and dissent rise, along with dangerous levels of obedience, passive compliance and conformity.

Life is Brutal for some, routine for others 

In the bone people we are offered people on the outside of the system. Kerewin chooses isolation from her community and estrangement from her family, preferring to live alone and undisturbed by the needs and wants of others. For Joe, it is his upbringing which has left a void between him and his heritage, a gap that merely widens and sets him adrift after the death of his wife and child. The third focal person of the story is Simon, a boy of between 7-9 years of age who occupies a silent space somewhere between a child’s understanding of the world and the consequences of the adult world. 

The forces you live with

There are forces of influence, persuasion, power and control in the bone people which are also reality for all of us outside the page of a book. There is the ongoing influence and persuasion for Kerewin to develop a more open and pleasant approach to people despite the personal discomfort it causes her; for Joe to have better self-control over his foster-son despite limited support; and for Simon to go to school and behave as a child is expected to, while the adults around him discriminate, neglect and are self-absorbed, providing gentle understanding one moment and angry rejection the next. 
Although influence and persuasion are preferred methods to change behaviour, forms of resistance or dissent is considered destructive by the person being controlled, regardless of the personal cost of that influence or persuasion. If the required change of behaviour is perceived as necessary, efforts will graduate into the use of power and control. This is considered fundamental and necessary in leadership. 

Well, if it gets the job done… 

Arguably an acceptable strategy if you are the one in control (and at peace with having that control). The kaumatua (elder) is not at peace with holding control over others, identifying it as horrifying. He recognises control is vulnerable to the whims of the individual, adding he learned manipulation early in his life from “someone who was far too wise”. Manipulation, control, power, influence and persuasion stem from what is perceived to be of value to the controlling person – whether that value is personal or collective gain, or creates productive or destructive experiences and results to the person being controlled.
Perhaps you are aware of control and able to see through the influence and persuasion. Or it could be that you choose to comply (fully or camouflaged), or believe you are manipulating or controlling the situation to your own benefit. 

“… if they think they are in control.” 

It is the illusion which drives behaviour change. As long as you do not perceive the control, you can be made to perform as another person wishes.
And vice versa.
Do you find that horrifying?

What lies beneath? 

Beneath the persuasion, the influence and the control. Beneath our perception of what we want, or what we think is ours. 
As you come to the end of the final page of the bone people, stop a moment. Consider the extent of power available to some individuals, the potential for abuse of that power, and the dependence created by power imbalance. As the bone people shows us, the illusion of control can mislead us into a false sense of autonomy.
Kerewin, Joe and Simon all had a sense of disconnect, unease, unhappiness, or felt unfulfilled. These are all signs the balance of power has shifted too far and it is time to pay more attention to what lies beneath your decisions and actions.

A book and the weather 

As with Danish weather, the bone people will evoke different reactions and occasional suffering. It is a controversial book, which draws me in. When literature polarises us it is a gift to understanding more about one another.
Rewritten and rejected, there are those who consider it a messy and uncomfortable story, and those who see the beauty of the tangled and ambiguous people.
A judge for the Booker Prize said the bone people would win over her dead body. It won (and the judge is still alive 40 years later – she may have overestimated her influence and power).  

The title divides US

In the book the phrase “e nga iwi o nga iwi” is explained as a play on words – the bones of the people or the people of the bones. The Māori word iwi is more commonly recognised as one meaning a tribe of people (or nation), with a lesser known secondary meaning of bones (or strength). 
In Danish the book is titled Marvfolket (marv meaning marrow). I fell down several rabbit holes before emerging with the conclusion that for early settlements in Denmark, marrow was a nutritious source of calories in the bleak winter months. No connection to e nga iwi o nga iwi.
There was one source of mythology referencing marrow – that of Loki using manipulative and persuasive words to convince a boy into eating the marrow of one of Thor’s goats. Aha! A connection to control.
I am relatively certain that was not the intended connection when the title was translated. Instead, I have been left with the belief that even from the title we are taken into the story with different understandings of the world.
It is understandable that it is experienced so differently.

it really has nothing to do with leadership

Instead the bone people is about isolation, violence, love, colonial legacy and Māori heritage. I would argue, however, that both leadership and literature are in agreement about one common factor: An individual who stands alone and resists compliance (as the characters in the bone people) take us to the precipice of change.
Leadership aims to create change through compliance, while literature breaks out the rebellious spirits to explore a new way of being. 

disgraceful propensities

"Joe's still reading.
'Jesus,' he says in a worried way, 'what does he mean by disgraceful propensities?'
'Weelll, I should imagine in that ingrown aristocracy it could mean anything from an improper preference for Scotch whisky, to a practised predilection for raping the cat.'
He chokes on his coffee."

Leadership prefers obedience and order, while the bone people peel back layers to show the complexity and disorder of lives we often ignore.  
There is no evident hero or villain. People are good while doing bad things. Joe is a loving and compassionate father who explodes into extreme domestic violence towards the very one he loves. Kerewin’s eloquence with words both wound and soothe. Simon is punished and corrected for childish misdeeds, while the adults turn a blind eye as he is subjected to abuse and neglect.
Through the pages we hold the complexity of violent love, cruel comfort and concerned neglect, while at the same time our brains try to rationalise and understand the decisions and actions of Kerewin, Joe and Simon. It reminds us to be kind.

"Heaven and hell, you never knew what people had in their past."

The bones of MY people and the PEOPLE OF YOUR BONES

I can understand how some of the impact of the bone people may be missed or difficult to relate to. Colonial legacy and native heritage are a critical part of this book, the merging of different cultures into a whole while retaining an identity that strengthens us.
It was confronting and abrasive for me to read, invoking shame and then curiosity. Shame I have learnt a language from a country on the other side of the world, yet never learned a language of my birthplace. And shame I took so long to learn to balance out inherited bias with my own exploration.
However, in choosing curiosity, it helps to break the frame through which I view the world. It allows me to understand more than judge, to see more than assume. To understand how the bones of my people influence me, and how the people of your bones influence you.

“E nga iwi o nga iwi” 

Simon imagines Joe saying this sentence as he reflects on their need to be together and to create a home together. The phrase is a play on words, meaning both our ancestors and relations (the bones of the people), and the people at the beginning of all things (the people of the bones). While our legacy and heritage – not necessarily cultural, but also personal – are what brought all of us to this particular day, it is how we choose to take it into tomorrow that matters the most. 
We may accept we are constantly being manipulated by the legacy and heritage of previous generations, the power and control of others, and the influence and persuasion in our environment. In turn we exert control over others, finding ways to make them perform as we wish. We may accept that it is easy, and turn away from looking too carefully. We may blind ourselves to only see what we perceive as our control. 
Or we may remember it is only an illusion of control, a way to satisfy entitlements and wants. Or maybe the Danish people actually do have the right idea – focus on what you can control. And remember to be… waterproof?

how to read the bone people 

You could swallow a dictionary, battle through the prose, and try to rationalise mythology line by line. In books like this, I prefer to practice allowing the story to ebb and flow. This means a consistent rhythm of moving forward and taking it as I feel it should be. Whether that means a paragraph or several chapters, slowly paying attention or lightly reading, it results in constant movement.
The bone people starts with a small boy of indeterminate years found half-drowned on a beach. He has been washed up with the detritus of the sea as well as the dead bodies of a man and a woman. The blonde-haired and blue-eyed child is fostered with a Māori family and given the name of Simon (Haimona in Māori). Half-wild and fey, mute and stubborn, he is raised in the home of Joe, his foster-father. 
When Simon breaks into the home of Kerewin – an artist estranged from her family and self-isolated from the community – an unlooked for relationship begins to form between the three of them.
Love and violence are inextricably entwined, making the bone people a story that flays each layer slowly away to reveal the bleached and bare reality of lives we may not easily understand. This story will set a hook in your mind about the vulnerability and complexities of relationships, love and belonging. 
The bone people will not allow you to mirror yourself as many books try to do. Instead you will be led into a world you are unlikely to fully understand or recognise, and to live alongside people you will likely never encounter in your life. 

“But all together, they have become the heart and muscles and mind of something perilous and new, something strange and growing and great. Together, all together, they are the instruments of change.” 

Te mutunga – ranai te take
The end – or the beginning