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A small matter-of-fact voice

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A small matter-of-fact voice

Our MARCH read

Lolita, by Vladimir Nabokov, is a book written with both beauty and horror. We are led away from our morals and into empathy through the charm and sophistication of our story-teller.

From a leadership perspective, this novel challenges us to listen for the small, matter-of-fact voice within the story. It also asks us to open our minds to how transference creates a blueprint that can sometimes lead us astray.

This novel opens with a fictional psychiatrist, however let me lead this piece with the words of a psychologist who describes fiction reading as ‘a flight simulator for your mind’. Lolita is a story mapped out by a manipulative and unreliable narrator, and the journey he takes us on that diverges very far from the path of truth. 

Book image by me. I could not find a cover to match the rawness and sensitivity of the story.
I later read in a CNN article that Vladimir Nabokov had written: 
“… let us settle for an immaculate white jacket (rough texture paper instead of the usual glossy kind), with LOLITA in bold black lettering.” 
I agree.

A murderer’s memoir 

Lolita opens with a foreword from a fictional psychiatrist presenting us with the memoir of a murderer, Humbert Humbert. A charming and intelligent man, Humbert seeks a connection with the reader as he describes his all-consuming love and desire for a young girl. Humbert’s unreliable narration is finely selected, presented to distract you from the “small matter-of-fact voice” which tries to be heard. 

It sounds like a storyline irresistible to Freud. The study of a fatherless and sexually promiscuous girl and a middle-aged man. Expect it is not. Freud’s thread of thought is the exact trap that Nabokov lays so skilfully with Humbert’s voice. 

Nabokov & FREUD

Nabokov despised Freud, calling him a ‘a comic writer’. Bringing the two of them together may risk being haunted by disgruntled ghosts for a week or two, but I am sure it will be worth it. It is powerful to read Nabokov’s writing alongside a concept attributed with Freud, and even more impactful for understanding a Freudian concept in leadership theory.

Transference. A concept proposing that each time a person meets and interacts with someone new, the new relationship is formed as a new version of previous relationships. Unconsciously, individuals project their experienced emotions and behaviours with others in their lives – particularly in the case of authority figures – onto any new relationship. To find the truth in Lolita, and to remain alert to unreliable narration in leadership, we need to understand transference.

Seen through different eyes

“She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.”

Lo, Lola, Dolly, Dolores, Lolita. Have you heard the saying ‘a loved child has many names’? An idiom that is entirely misleading in relation to this particular child. Early relationships help to form a person’s identity and self-esteem.

“... (her mother) had underlined the following epithets, ten out of forty, under ‘Your Child’s Personality’: aggressive, boisterous, critical, distrustful, impatient, irritable, inquisitive, listless, negativistic (underlined twice) and obstinate. She had ignored the thirty remaining adjectives, among which were cheerful, co-operative, energetic and so forth.” 

I feel complicit with Humbert’s crime when I refer to her as ‘Lolita’, and the strong emotional reaction is part of the strength of Lolita and the power of the novel to create discomfort and self-discovery.

From here, I will refer to her as “his Lolita” when identifying with Humbert’s obsession with her, and “Dolly” when I refer to the echoes of her own story as a 12-year-old girl.

Lo, Lola, Dolores
The lost child 

Throughout the novel, Humbert uses the name Lo, Lola or Dolores whenever she amuses, annoys, exasperates and baffles him. The situations he uses these names are when he is conscious of his role of responsible adult, and this is a child developing in an environment of fault-finding, control, threats, bribes and abuse. 

Dolly
The hidden child 

In her own world, she is not Lo or Lolita. She calls herself ‘Dolly’. The childish name brings to mind a childish plaything, and it is the name used when she is with other children and their parents, teachers. Dolly is also a person Humbert must share with others, and one who requires him to take on a fatherly role. It is also the child who learns that adults are not dependable and that sex is transactional. 

Lolita
The fantasy child 

Lolita is a creation of Humbert’s and the name used during moments related to us as agonising desire and love. He creates a person who does not exist. Lolita can be considered the personification of his obsessive desire. 

Sexualising a 12-year-old for profit 

Did you know the book Lolita has over 210 different cover designs? Some designs tend towards painfully plain while many others are sexually provocative or suggestive. The author, Vladimir Nabokov, specifically requested no images of young girls on the cover and publishing houses doubled down on focusing on profit. The more provocative covers sold the most books, but it also helped to distort the message of Lolita.

Dirived & Distorted Messages

Dolores is a name with the meaning “sorrow” or “pain”, and Lolita is one of many derivatives or pet names. Since Nabokov’s novel the noun ‘Lolita’ has been reduced in popular culture to symbolise sexual promiscuity and young girls described with synonyms such as nymphet, vixen, seductress and vamp. Why? How can a story of a sexually abused 12-year-old girl be solidified into our language in that way? The noun ‘Lolita’ should mean obsession and abuse – a child controlled by person they idealise or see as an authority figure. 

Authority is not leadership 

Let me be very clear, Humbert Humbert is not a leader. This is not the perspective we are taking in this discussion – in any shape or form. He is a man driven by his own desires and need for control. As an adult, Humbert has a position of authority over a child and his influence grows in power when he steps into the role of guardian. Humbert’s presentation of himself as sophisticated, superior of intellect, and charming is a strategy that makes the most of transference.

Transference as a strategy

At the end of the novel, I asked myself how I could have let myself believe the story of a paedophile? And how I could I have so little compassion for a 12-year-old girl? It fascinated me to see how an unreliable narrator can influence our perceptions and emotions.

Humbert plays the reader by making it difficult to empathise with Dolly. His Lolita is described with such love and beauty, that the real life Dolly becomes vulgar and shallow in contrast. Despite seemingly sympathetic to her character weaknesses, Humbert merely reaffirms the negative traits within a sympathetic tone of an adult who knows better and is trying to help an ungrateful child. He assumes a role of authority – balancing his grandiose self-beliefs with self-deprecating insights to make him appear more humble. In addition, Humbert places his actions under the warm-tinted glow of romance, while others are left in the laboratory-white glare of scrutiny. As a reader, we respond to Humbert because of the filters we choose to apply.

How does transference become a filter 

It may be difficult to empathise with his Lolita or Dolly, but the concept of transference brings at least understanding to this difficult character. As mentioned earlier, transference is a term coined by Freud to suggest our past relationships and experiences – particularly those with early caregivers – are projected onto our subsequent relationships. The way you and I, the way Dolly and the adults around her have experienced authority, control, care and love – according to transference – creates a blueprint for our future relationships. Particularly when authority is involved.

blueprints can be used unethically by leaders

Research does consistently show that relationships are formative and impactful on a developing brain. When we consider how our brains continue developing until our early-20s, it is interesting to see questions raised about the ethics of corporate leadership development programmes for graduates. Graduate programmes often have strong elements of elitism and competition, and the observation or close mentoring of an authority/power figure. The threat of exclusion, removal, or disapproval by authority figures is stronger amongst young people who are still forming personal experiences with authority or power figures. The impact of these experiences on future decisions is what we see within Dolly’s storyline.

Lolita-ship 

In leadership, transference impacts people and results when individuals (sub-consciously) project past experiences onto those in authority. A person in a position of authority or control might not always be viewed through an objective lens, and the resulting behaviours and reactions can be filtered through idealisation or criticism rooted in the observer’s previous relationships (transference). This can affect the effectiveness of the leader. If we turn our eyes to Lolita, we will see adults responding to Humbert’s charm-filled presentation of authority and expressed intelligence. In a society that respects a person presenting themselves that way, the adults are primed to behave in a way Humbert expects.

You are impacted by transference

Humbert also uses transference is with you, dear reader. You and I have been primed through life to judge certain characteristics and behaviours as attractive or repellent. Dolly is illustrated in unlikeable while his Lolita is described as sexually promiscuous and spoiled. Instead of seeing it as a foil to offset his own repellent characteristics and behaviours, we believe the message. However, when we put the lens of transference on Dolly, Lolita becomes a completely different novel. 

First, Flip the narrative 

Dolly is a disappointing character. As a child she is shallow, and as she grows to womanhood, she reveals herself to be self-serving, emotionally flat and transactional in relationships. However, when we pick at the threads of Humbert’s story, small facts ooze through his words. A 12-year-old who lost her father young to suicide and her relationship with her mother complicated by criticism and disinterest. The combination of loneliness and innocence that leads her into situations with older teenagers and adults. When Humbert dwells on their passion and deep love, he also lets slip how she cries at night when she thinks he is asleep – remarking on her moodiness and his generosity in trying to keep her happy. Dolly is also described as being materialistic and demanding rewards for sex, while he reveals at the same time her reluctance to participate in his desire and her capitulation to pressure and bribery. She is greedy and shallow as she negotiates monetary bribes, sly and secretive for hiding the money for escape.

Second, Consider the impact of transference 

These glints of truth are scattered and sometimes lost amongst Humbert’s magniloquence, making it a treasure hunt for the truth. When you take those threads and weave them outside of Humbert’s version, you start to see how Dolly’s actions and decisions are tainted by what she has learned from adults who failed to protect and guide her. She is still disappointing and shallow, but when we consider what she has learned about relationships and authority in her young life, we can begin to mourn her childhood and understand her responses and reactions.

Why did you not just leave? 

In leadership, people’s subconscious transference can become as hidden and lost in the everyday as Dolly’s experience becomes in Lolita. If Freud is correct and our past relationships impact how we interact with authority figures, leadership theory suggests that the effectiveness of a leader can be affected by people’s projections of earlier relationships.

Why did you not see what they intended?

An individual with a blueprint of idealising and submitting to authority sets a pathway for a leader to build a dangerous ego. Humbert achieves power only through an increasing confidence in himself and his desires. Dolly observes a handsome stranger who treats her with friendliness and attention, his charm and appeal creating a power imbalance with her mother and other adults. If for years, Humbert manages the perceptions and influences of adults, it is understandable that 12-year-old Dolly would mirror adult reactions. In the void of healthy and supportive relationships, Dolly learns not to trust authority and to approach relationships in an emotionless and transactional manner.

Transference is a red flag

Transference serves us best when it is identified. Understanding transference allows us to better navigate the dynamics in our relationships that occur subconsciously. Lolita invites us to look beyond the surface, to question the narratives we are told and to be more mindful of the psychological forces at play in any relationship. Through the ‘simulation’ Nabokov offers us an understanding of transference, and with it, an opportunity to hold our past relationships accountable and to clearly see each new relationship we have the opportunity to build.

How to read Lolita 

Forget his Lolita, and look for Dolly. Take note of her the few times she manages to tear through Humbert’s grandiose and emotive language. Do not let Humbert distract you. Side-step his game of manipulation and take note of when you find yourself charmed or repulsed.

I was a young adult when I read this novel, and vividly remember the disgust I felt when I realised how astray Humbert had led me. It was alarming to find myself trying to rationalise his actions to better align with my morals. Fascinated, I put Lolita on the shelf but Dolly proved to be a restless ghost. The second time I read the novel, I was able to hold myself distant and hold onto the 12-year-old child as her story slipped into the foreground. 

This is how I recommend reading Lolita – with self-awareness of when (and how) Humbert triggers your empathy, dislike, judgement and forgiveness.

denied inspiration 

Beneath Nabokov’s Lolita are significant similarities to the case of Florence Sally Horner. Sally was an 11-year-old girl kidnapped and abused for 21 months by a man who presented himself in a position of authority. Nabokov denies the case inspired his novel, despite referencing it in Humbert’s words: 

"Had I done to Dolly, perhaps, what Frank Lasalle, a fifty-year-old mechanic, had done to eleven-year-old Sally Horner in 1948?" 

Lolita opens with a foreword by a fictional psychiatrist. He writes to the reader to explain the story is Humbert Humbert’s memoir after his death in prison. Nabokov and the fictional psychiatrist warn us in the first pages that we need to be alert to the awfulness of the story and the foreword ends with the sentence: 

“‘Lolita’ should make all of us – parents, social workers, educators – apply ourselves with still greater vigilance and vision to the task of bringing up a better generation in a safer world.” 

Despite the warning, we are swept along by Humbert’s influence. The first part of the story focuses on Humbert’s background as a child and youth and into adulthood. It describes his manipulation, charm and growing obsession as he navigates his desires for young and vulnerable girls. After moving into Dolly’s home as a boarding guest, his obsession focuses singularly on Dolly and we see his desperation to possess her. The first part of Lolita culminates with both intentional and chance events resulting in Humbert becoming her guardian, sealing her fate: 

“You see, she had absolutely nowhere else to go.” 
Inspiration to madness

The second part of the novel feels like a slow descent into madness. Here, Dolly’s reluctance to play the role of his Lolita is described by Humbert through accounts of her moodiness, coldness towards him and the bribes she begins to negotiate.

Humbert becomes increasingly suspicious and controlling. Despite his declarations of love he progresses from distress over schoolgirl bruises to cruelly backhanding her in his anger. There are heartbeat moments – short sentences tearing away his perception to show Dolly’s reality – tears, reluctance and seeking paths of escape. It is not the star-shattering love Humbert wants us to believe. She did have absolutely nowhere else to go.

It is our obligation to remember the physical and cognitive immaturity and development that is normal at her age, and to the authority and responsibility of adults to do protect a child during that development. And as Dolly grows up in the second part of the novel, to remember transference and how her painful experiences with authority figures form her future relationships and life. 

Madness to silence

Dolly’s story ends without her voice ever being heard. If Lolita was written from her perspective, how would the story unfold? How many unheard voices can we pay attention to? Can transference help us listen to find the true story running beneath the narrative we are offered?

The illusion of control

by

The illusion of control

Our february read

Literature can be a mirror, but Keri Hulme’s book the bone people is different. It is one of those stories that can shatter the frame you have set up for yourself, opening your eyes to the incredibly different ways of being human.

The illusion of control 

Calvin & Hobbes - life lessons of the best kind

Calvin & Hobbes – the best of life’s lessons

Let us take rain as an example of the illusion of control. In Denmark, the Viking progeny obstinately insist “there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing”. A foreigner may be initially submissive to inclement weather, exclaiming “there’s no way I am going out in that” before miserably realising they are powerless and do, in fact, have to go out in that. 
Danes hold stubbornly to the illusion that the weather does not control their decisions or activities. Instead, the country collectively claims the weather is powerless when one owns 87 combinable layers of varied waterproofing and breathability. Reluctance to submit to or obey the controlling forces of powerful weather gods are very much a part of the Danish psyche. 
I can merely offer you this wisdom. If you see an umbrella floating past in a minor flood, you may need to brace yourself and persist with that outdoors barbecue (true story).
Illusion of control is not a main theme of the bone people. In fact, there is not a lot of leadership in the book if you look for the obvious. As it often is with control, the leadership lessons in this book are more subtle.
You will, however, enter the first page with a certain view of life and will leave the last page conflicted.

It is (horrifyingly) easy to make people perform as you wish

I learnt early. You learnt early. During the first year of life, a baby develops the ability to “manipulate” in order to fulfil survival needs while dependent on others. You may understand this as a form of communication rather than the definition that the word manipulation brings to mind. To manipulate is to control or shape an outcome – we colour the word with our experience of manipulation occurring in deceitful or unfair ways.

Fine-tuning our strategies

Our communication shapeshifts into more advanced forms of power, control, influence and persuasion through our experiences, interactions with others, and the discovery of subtlety. Humans are motivated to fulfil needs and wants, and will test as far as we believe we have power or control.
In the bone people, Kerewin uses isolation and estrangement as a form of control over people’s expectations of her and her words as an influence to discourage the behaviour of others. Joe swings between the influences of love in response to Simon’s needs and the power of inflicting pain in order to control his foster-sons behaviour. With our small one in the story, Simon, like most children he views himself as relatively powerless. Simon leverages what he can to fulfil the basic needs of belonging and safety, and his experiences and interactions with the adult world impact the choices he makes. 

The fight for our rights… and nefarious plans 

Manipulation and influence are skills available to all, regardless of how much or how little power and/or control an individual has. The “horrifying” aspect of manipulation grows from the roots of entitlement and privilege. When we sense an inability to fulfil our needs and wants, we may respond in what leadership theory calls destructive methods. Subterfuge and rebellion (Simon), pulling away or voicing our dissent (Kerewin), or finding ourselves in a chaos of compliance and frustration (Joe).
The bone people shows us that being in a state of survival can keep us distracted, reactive and increasingly unfulfilled, despite thinking we are in control.

We need the whole to -vive

We need to be part of a whole in order to survive as individuals; and at the same time we need to be individual in order to for the whole to thrive. It is about a constant search for balance with respect for our different heritages.
Togetherness, aligned behaviours, collective purpose – these are some of the goals of leadership. It is expected a leader will use influence, persuasion, power and control as tools to redirect beliefs, decisions and actions. Yet it is an illusion. The goal of leadership at the end of the day is to achieve a result.

“It is horrifyingly easy to make people perform as you wish, if they think they are in control.”


It is here that some will pay attention to the word “horrifyingly” while others accept the sentence as “easy”. The use of acceptable control creates obedience, compliance and consent while avoiding resistance and dissent. When control becomes excessive, resistance and dissent rise, along with dangerous levels of obedience, passive compliance and conformity.

Life is Brutal for some, routine for others 

In the bone people we are offered people on the outside of the system. Kerewin chooses isolation from her community and estrangement from her family, preferring to live alone and undisturbed by the needs and wants of others. For Joe, it is his upbringing which has left a void between him and his heritage, a gap that merely widens and sets him adrift after the death of his wife and child. The third focal person of the story is Simon, a boy of between 7-9 years of age who occupies a silent space somewhere between a child’s understanding of the world and the consequences of the adult world. 

The forces you live with

There are forces of influence, persuasion, power and control in the bone people which are also reality for all of us outside the page of a book. There is the ongoing influence and persuasion for Kerewin to develop a more open and pleasant approach to people despite the personal discomfort it causes her; for Joe to have better self-control over his foster-son despite limited support; and for Simon to go to school and behave as a child is expected to, while the adults around him discriminate, neglect and are self-absorbed, providing gentle understanding one moment and angry rejection the next. 
Although influence and persuasion are preferred methods to change behaviour, forms of resistance or dissent is considered destructive by the person being controlled, regardless of the personal cost of that influence or persuasion. If the required change of behaviour is perceived as necessary, efforts will graduate into the use of power and control. This is considered fundamental and necessary in leadership. 

Well, if it gets the job done… 

Arguably an acceptable strategy if you are the one in control (and at peace with having that control). The kaumatua (elder) is not at peace with holding control over others, identifying it as horrifying. He recognises control is vulnerable to the whims of the individual, adding he learned manipulation early in his life from “someone who was far too wise”. Manipulation, control, power, influence and persuasion stem from what is perceived to be of value to the controlling person – whether that value is personal or collective gain, or creates productive or destructive experiences and results to the person being controlled.
Perhaps you are aware of control and able to see through the influence and persuasion. Or it could be that you choose to comply (fully or camouflaged), or believe you are manipulating or controlling the situation to your own benefit. 

“… if they think they are in control.” 

It is the illusion which drives behaviour change. As long as you do not perceive the control, you can be made to perform as another person wishes.
And vice versa.
Do you find that horrifying?

What lies beneath? 

Beneath the persuasion, the influence and the control. Beneath our perception of what we want, or what we think is ours. 
As you come to the end of the final page of the bone people, stop a moment. Consider the extent of power available to some individuals, the potential for abuse of that power, and the dependence created by power imbalance. As the bone people shows us, the illusion of control can mislead us into a false sense of autonomy.
Kerewin, Joe and Simon all had a sense of disconnect, unease, unhappiness, or felt unfulfilled. These are all signs the balance of power has shifted too far and it is time to pay more attention to what lies beneath your decisions and actions.

A book and the weather 

As with Danish weather, the bone people will evoke different reactions and occasional suffering. It is a controversial book, which draws me in. When literature polarises us it is a gift to understanding more about one another.
Rewritten and rejected, there are those who consider it a messy and uncomfortable story, and those who see the beauty of the tangled and ambiguous people.
A judge for the Booker Prize said the bone people would win over her dead body. It won (and the judge is still alive 40 years later – she may have overestimated her influence and power).  

The title divides US

In the book the phrase “e nga iwi o nga iwi” is explained as a play on words – the bones of the people or the people of the bones. The Māori word iwi is more commonly recognised as one meaning a tribe of people (or nation), with a lesser known secondary meaning of bones (or strength). 
In Danish the book is titled Marvfolket (marv meaning marrow). I fell down several rabbit holes before emerging with the conclusion that for early settlements in Denmark, marrow was a nutritious source of calories in the bleak winter months. No connection to e nga iwi o nga iwi.
There was one source of mythology referencing marrow – that of Loki using manipulative and persuasive words to convince a boy into eating the marrow of one of Thor’s goats. Aha! A connection to control.
I am relatively certain that was not the intended connection when the title was translated. Instead, I have been left with the belief that even from the title we are taken into the story with different understandings of the world.
It is understandable that it is experienced so differently.

it really has nothing to do with leadership

Instead the bone people is about isolation, violence, love, colonial legacy and Māori heritage. I would argue, however, that both leadership and literature are in agreement about one common factor: An individual who stands alone and resists compliance (as the characters in the bone people) take us to the precipice of change.
Leadership aims to create change through compliance, while literature breaks out the rebellious spirits to explore a new way of being. 

disgraceful propensities
"Joe's still reading.
'Jesus,' he says in a worried way, 'what does he mean by disgraceful propensities?'
'Weelll, I should imagine in that ingrown aristocracy it could mean anything from an improper preference for Scotch whisky, to a practised predilection for raping the cat.'
He chokes on his coffee."

Leadership prefers obedience and order, while the bone people peel back layers to show the complexity and disorder of lives we often ignore.  
There is no evident hero or villain. People are good while doing bad things. Joe is a loving and compassionate father who explodes into extreme domestic violence towards the very one he loves. Kerewin’s eloquence with words both wound and soothe. Simon is punished and corrected for childish misdeeds, while the adults turn a blind eye as he is subjected to abuse and neglect.
Through the pages we hold the complexity of violent love, cruel comfort and concerned neglect, while at the same time our brains try to rationalise and understand the decisions and actions of Kerewin, Joe and Simon. It reminds us to be kind.

"Heaven and hell, you never knew what people had in their past."
The bones of MY people and the PEOPLE OF YOUR BONES

I can understand how some of the impact of the bone people may be missed or difficult to relate to. Colonial legacy and native heritage are a critical part of this book, the merging of different cultures into a whole while retaining an identity that strengthens us.
It was confronting and abrasive for me to read, invoking shame and then curiosity. Shame I have learnt a language from a country on the other side of the world, yet never learned a language of my birthplace. And shame I took so long to learn to balance out inherited bias with my own exploration.
However, in choosing curiosity, it helps to break the frame through which I view the world. It allows me to understand more than judge, to see more than assume. To understand how the bones of my people influence me, and how the people of your bones influence you.

“E nga iwi o nga iwi” 

Simon imagines Joe saying this sentence as he reflects on their need to be together and to create a home together. The phrase is a play on words, meaning both our ancestors and relations (the bones of the people), and the people at the beginning of all things (the people of the bones). While our legacy and heritage – not necessarily cultural, but also personal – are what brought all of us to this particular day, it is how we choose to take it into tomorrow that matters the most. 
We may accept we are constantly being manipulated by the legacy and heritage of previous generations, the power and control of others, and the influence and persuasion in our environment. In turn we exert control over others, finding ways to make them perform as we wish. We may accept that it is easy, and turn away from looking too carefully. We may blind ourselves to only see what we perceive as our control. 
Or we may remember it is only an illusion of control, a way to satisfy entitlements and wants. Or maybe the Danish people actually do have the right idea – focus on what you can control. And remember to be… waterproof?

how to read the bone people 

You could swallow a dictionary, battle through the prose, and try to rationalise mythology line by line. In books like this, I prefer to practice allowing the story to ebb and flow. This means a consistent rhythm of moving forward and taking it as I feel it should be. Whether that means a paragraph or several chapters, slowly paying attention or lightly reading, it results in constant movement.
The bone people starts with a small boy of indeterminate years found half-drowned on a beach. He has been washed up with the detritus of the sea as well as the dead bodies of a man and a woman. The blonde-haired and blue-eyed child is fostered with a Māori family and given the name of Simon (Haimona in Māori). Half-wild and fey, mute and stubborn, he is raised in the home of Joe, his foster-father. 
When Simon breaks into the home of Kerewin – an artist estranged from her family and self-isolated from the community – an unlooked for relationship begins to form between the three of them.
Love and violence are inextricably entwined, making the bone people a story that flays each layer slowly away to reveal the bleached and bare reality of lives we may not easily understand. This story will set a hook in your mind about the vulnerability and complexities of relationships, love and belonging. 
The bone people will not allow you to mirror yourself as many books try to do. Instead you will be led into a world you are unlikely to fully understand or recognise, and to live alongside people you will likely never encounter in your life. 

“But all together, they have become the heart and muscles and mind of something perilous and new, something strange and growing and great. Together, all together, they are the instruments of change.” 

Te mutunga – ranai te take
The end – or the beginning

Decisions that mark the soul

by

Decisions that mark the soul

Leadershitship 

A leader once was heard to say he that he did not care what happened to anyone in the organisation – unless that person’s results directly contributed to his bonus. The other leaders sat in silence. Later, another leader finally spoke up in admiration of the other leader’s honesty.
The phenomenon of leadership is one that occurs in the relationships between people. The balance between results and people is critical. When decisions are based on the bank account of a power holder, that is where leadershit happens.

Leadership is rare 

To put the quote into the perspective of leadership, at this point in the story, we find Knud Erik sailing seas of drowning men and ignoring them.
There is a greater good, explains the leaders onshore. If a ship slows to rescue survivors of other sunk ships, it risks all lives and the lives of those depending on delivery of the cargo of essential war supplies. 
As captain, Knud Erik follows orders which are “simultaneously right and hideously wrong”. As a leader executing the orders, he sails through waters filled with blinking red distress lights on life vests and voices crying out for help. Knud Erik finds himself merely watching from the bridge of his ship as limbs are caught in their propellers and men implode from depth charges. The blinking red distress lights fade into the distance, each one signalling a man left to die of exposure. 

Decision to action 

Decision making skills are considered a key aspect of successful leadership. The ability to use a broad frame for decision-making while simultaneously simplifying the process results in fast and accurate decision-making and is considered a strong leadership skill. A leader is expected to respond to knowledge rather than emotions. Deciding whether or not to follow the order results in Knud Erik feeling trapped by circumstance, and in order to both follow the required action, he takes a secondary decision. 

Leaders arise in times of difficulty 

A leadership conflict posed for us by reading We, the Drowned, is that we are bound to the changes in our world. Our lives and beliefs are defined on where we live and how we see life. Additionally, we are not in control of the situations we can find ourselves in. The world changes, events occur outside our control, and people react in unexpected ways. 

Does Good leadership mean good decision making? 

Knud Erik follows the premise of “good” leadership decision-making when he obeys the orders. He uses his knowledge and experience towards the greater good, at the cost of the drowning men around him. The human cost of the decision is what drives him to move from being a holder of a leader role to leadership. 
Good decision-making requires knowledge of the human factors and human consequences.
Knud Erik takes the helm alone. He does this to shield his crew from being forced into the same experiences. The decision and action of taking the helm alone makes him the sole responsible for the execution of this order, and shields his crew from the mental pressure of taking lives and acting against the survival instinct and identity of sailors to save a drowning man. 

or is it Responsibility at the cost of self? 

Is that what makes the difference between a leader and a power holder? In We, The Drowned, Knud Erik mitigates the impact on the crew so they could function to keep the ship and convoy safe, sacrificing the price of his mental and physical health for emergency supplies. He watched men die so that others – some of them unseen along the logistics line – would survive. It was only external events that stopped Knud Erik’s decline from ending in a failed decision or a complete death of his soul. 
If Knud Erik had passed on orders, it would have been his crew that were experiencing the horrors and increased the risk of a crew member breaking. However, Knud Erik’s decision to take it entirely on his shoulders risks his future abilities as a leader. What could have happened if he stood at the helm with his crew? 

Life and death, or merely what to have for lunch? 

Does the ongoing robustness of a leader depend on keep emotions out of the decision – regardless of the human cost? And how to do that without inviting dark traits or destructive leadership into power? Although we may hope we can opt out of a situation, real life and history show us that we often end up in relationships or environments where do not hold the expected levels of control. 

At what price? 

We, the Drowned offers an example of how the ever-changing nature of the world around us can put us into positions that challenge the core of who we are. Feeling trapped by circumstances has an impact on our perception of stress, and becomes a default factor in our decision-making and risk factor for subsequent mistakes. After all, we are only human and have our identities, values and conscience to live with long after the decision has been made.
Perhaps you are not at war or feeling alone at the helm as Knud Erik experiences, but we can all experience being at war with ourselves. Decision-making may very well depend on emotionless assessment – but the cost of that decision may not be acceptable to you or others. 

What is the book about? 

We, the Drowned is a complex weaving of lives encompassing nearly 200 years in a Danish sailing community. As we follow different characters, there are several themes that emerge. Community and conflict, the impact of change, transition from childhood to adulthood, and gaps between generations to name a few. 

The grasping of power 

A theme about the people who step forward to grasp power was also part of this novel. We, the Drowned demonstrates several characters who are motivated by personal desire, dark personality traits or personal bias. 

Read past the individual stories 

We, the Drowned covers a broad range of human behaviours and interpersonal interactions to reflect over. The storylines demonstrate over and over the passive inability to protect oneself or others when a destructive or malicious individual steps into power. When authority and power is wielded with cruelty and personal desire driving decision-making and actions there is an impact on each generation. The boys of the town always react to authority figures and respond to aggressive levels of control; however a learned helplessness develops that follows the boys as they move into adulthood and onboard ships. 

In change, we seek what remains stable 

Regardless of who holds power, the world is always changing. The young are being directed along a pathway changing with political instability and technological advancement, and each older generation finds themselves watching their way of life slipping away. There is an ongoing search for what is stable and underlying all of the separate experiences is a shared identity. 

Community and identity both divide and unite us  

Birth in Marstal comes with a predefined destiny and shared childish enemies. The micro-communities that exist onboard ship provides a fertile ground for cruelty and wielding of power, rather than leadership. Out of the eyes of the broader community, power imbalances emerge and the boys and men find values and identity challenged, often with deadly and meaningless consequences. 
Values may be merely shadows of words that shake their beliefs, however identity can be held deep within a person and guarded fiercely and secretly. In We, the Drowned, the characters take their identity as part of the Marstal community – generations of seafarers and adventurers – into the wider world. Here it becomes a tool to help them find one another amongst strangers and becomes an undefinable secret part of themselves.  

Women as wallpaper 

Male dominant narratives push the female perspective into the background of the story. Women are described as being left alone to raise families, and subsequently the female narrative becomes a mere shadow in the main thread. There is an implied helplessness to the independence of the men, and the women remain acting out generation after generation to a duty to children and the future independent men. 

The woman with unexpected decisions 

Only one woman who seeks security reaps the rewards of unexpected power. With the removal of responsibilities, she follows a similar narrative path as the men – into an attempt to control her future. Following a narrow frame of perspective tainted by her bias and fear, the resulting decision-making develop into a case of disruptive leadership, unchecked by the passive larger group of the community who underestimate her intentions and abilities.  

what happens after this quote?  

In order to ignore survivors, Knud Erik makes another leadership decision and the crew respond with a decision of their own. 
Knud Erik isolates himself, taking the full responsibility on himself and unable to connect, communicate or function with other people – both when at the helm and when at rest. Withdrawing into a lack of consciousness through alcohol, he feels he is operating out of himself. A state that is not sustainable and in leadership terms, risks future decision-making. In return, his crew uphold his isolation and keep their distance. Callous, I thought. 
However, the crew’s decision to respect his isolation is described as shielding Knud Erik as their captain. In acknowledgement of the personal cost of his decision, they decide that any sign of sympathy would cause him to break down and fail as a leader.  

“They shielded him so he could get on with the job of shielding them. They needed a captain and they gave him the chance to be that man.”  

Knud Erik’s choice to take the consequences of the decision positively impacts the perception of his leadership amongst the crew, while simultaneously breaking down his mental and physical health.  
In terms of the quote that we have worked with – 

“It was simultaneously right and hideously wrong.”  

You may have assumed that this line was from his decision-making to obey the rule to ignore survivors. However, this line is written at a point when Knud Erik eventually reaches breaking point and disobeys the rule. 
As the situation around him dissolves into chaos, he flings himself into a life-threatening position in an attempt to salvage his own sense of humanity, and to save at least one survivor. 

How to read this book 

It is an incredibly detailed story. Characters are developed and discarded along the way, and the progression through time beautifully encompasses the fleeting impact of people on one another’s lives. To hold so many personalities and events within the pages makes it a difficult read. The trick to reading this book is the hooks and baits he lays out in the overlapping narratives to generate curiosity.  
And like all books that make an impression on me, there were times that I just stopped to enjoy the words and the phrasing. The opening line, for example, captures my imagination:  

“Many years ago there lived a man called Laurids Madsen, who went up to heaven and came down again thanks to his boots.”  

It is a book to pick up and read a few pages every day – reflecting on each moment as a separate glimpse into a kaleidoscope of perspectives that comes together differently for us all.